Be Still and Know That I Am God — Finding Peace in Chaos

Finding peace in chaos is something I swear I’ll get good at someday, but right now it’s 3:52 in the morning and my dog just sneezed directly into my open mouth so, jury’s still out. Be Still and Know That I Am God

I’m sitting on the floor again because the bed feels like admitting defeat and also there’s a pile of laundry on it that’s been growing its own ecosystem. The verse keeps popping up everywhere—on my lock screen, in a random Instagram reel, even the side of a church van that cut me off on I-71 yesterday. Be still and know that I am God. Cool story bro, my brain says, but have you seen gas prices??

Why Finding Peace in Chaos Feels Like Gaslighting Lately Be Still and Know That I Am God

Everything is loud. My group chat won’t stop sending tiktoks, my mom keeps texting “are you awake” at 1am (yes mom that’s why I’m answering), and I’m pretty sure the neighbor’s car alarm has been going off since the Obama administration. Last Thursday I had a full-on adult tantrum in the Kroger parking lot because someone took the last rotisserie chicken. I stood there holding an empty lemon like a total unhinged person. Finding peace in chaos? I can’t even find inner peace in the deli section. https://bibleproject.com/explore/video/psalm-46/

That One Time I Tried Meditating and Almost Called an Ex Be Still and Know That I Am God

So I downloaded the app, sat on the couch, set the little chime for ten minutes, the whole deal. Two minutes in I was mentally writing a strongly-worded email to my 10th grade English teacher about that B- I never forgave. Then I started spiraling about whether I left the stove on in 2019. Then I opened my eyes and realized I’d been sitting there for twenty-three minutes planning revenge against people who’ve literally forgotten I exist. Ten out of ten, highly recommend for personal growth (do not recommend).

The Dumb Thing That Actually Kinda Works (Don’t Judge Me) Be Still and Know That I Am God

Okay don’t laugh but… I started saying “be still” out loud like I’m shushing a toddler who’s about to touch a hot stove. Except the toddler is me and the stove is my entire life. I’ll be in the drive thru at Taco Bell losing my mind because they forgot my cinnamon twists and I just go “be still be still be still” under my breath like a complete lunatic and suddenly the rage shrinks to like… manageable. It’s stupid. It works. I’m embarrassed and also grateful. Be Still and Know That I Am God https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5025014/

Random Crap That’s Been Helping Me Find Peace in Chaos (Your Mileage May Vary)

• Leaving my phone in the bathroom overnight (yes the bathroom, don’t ask)
• Drinking water like it’s my job because apparently dehydration makes me evil
• Writing one honest sentence before bed instead of fake gratitude. Tonight’s was “I’m scared I’m becoming the version of myself I prayed I’d never be.” Cool thanks journal
• Taking the long way home just to blast sad christian indie and cry in peace
• Saying the verse out loud when I’m stuck behind someone going 34 in a 45. It’s either that or vehicular sin

I Still Suck At This Daily Be Still and Know That I Am God

This afternoon I screamed at siri because she couldn’t understand “play something that doesn’t make me want to die” through my ugly crying. Real spiritual hours. Finding peace in chaos is not a personality trait I’ve unlocked yet, it’s more like I keep tripping over it in the dark and going “oh there you are again. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37i9dQZF1DX4sWSpwq3LiO

Anyway if you’re also a mess, you’re not alone. I’m currently eating leftover halloween candy for dinner and whispering “be still” to myself between mini snickers like a haunted prayer. The candle just went out and honestly that feels right.

Try the whispering thing if you want. Or don’t. I’m not qualified to tell you what to do, I’m just a girl standing in front of her anxiety asking it to chill for five seconds.

Be still, I guess. Or fake it till the sun comes up. Either way works apparently.

(also someone please remind me to buy more candles tomorrow I’m out and spiraling)