Look, learning to believe in yourself doesn’t begin with rainbows. It begins in my crappy studio apartment in Phoenix last year, eating cold leftover pizza at 3 a.m., crying because another job ghosted me. I’m staring at the peeling paint on the wall, literally whispering “I believe in myself” like a complete lunatic because some TikTok said to try it. Felt ridiculous. But that’s the point—step one is just saying the words when every cell in your body screams you’re full of crap.
Step 2: Collect Evidence Like a Hoarder (Because Your Brain Lies)
Your brain is a defense attorney for why you suck. Mine still brings up the time in 8th grade I peed a little during a presentation. Seriously. So I started a “not-suck folder” on my phone—screenshots of nice DMs, random compliments, even the barista writing “you got this” on my cup once. Anytime the self-doubt monster shows up I shove evidence in its face. Sounds dumb. Works stupidly well.
Step 3: The “Fake It Till You Make It” But Make It Cringe On Purpose
I used to wait until I felt confident to act confident. Newsflash: that day never comes. So I started doing the most embarrassing version possible—like walking into networking events blasting Megan Thee Stallion in my AirPods and pretending I’m the main character. One time I introduced myself as “the future of whatever this industry is” and almost threw up in my mouth. But people laughed with me, not at me, and suddenly I started to believe in myself a tiny bit more.
Why “Believe in Yourself” Mantras Felt Like Lies (And How I Fixed That) ### H3
Because saying generic affirmations felt like gaslighting myself. So I made them brutally specific and kinda mean: “I, [my full name], who once cried in a Target bathroom, am still allowed to believe in myself today.” The specificity makes it stick. Try it. It’s weirdly harder to argue with.
Step 4: Burn the Rejection Letters (No Really, I Did This)
I had a literal shoebox of “we regret to inform you” emails printed out like a psycho. Last 4th of July I took them to the desert, doused them in lighter fluid, and watched them burn while drinking a truly terrible warm White Claw. Cathartic doesn’t cover it. You gotta physically destroy the evidence that you’re worthless sometimes. 10/10, highly recommend for building that unbreakable confidence.
Step 5: Surround Yourself With People Who Are Annoyingly Hyped For You
Cut the energy vampires. I’m sorry, but your cousin who says “well, statistically…” every time you share a dream? Bye. Replaced them with friends who respond to my unhinged 2 a.m. ideas with “bet, send it.” Having even two ride-or-die believers makes it way easier to believe in yourself when your brain tries to sabotage everything.
Step 6: Do One Thing Daily That Scares the Piss Out Of You (Literally Sometimes)
Cold email someone terrifying? Done. Posted a thirst trap after gaining 15 pandemic pounds? Yup, did that too. The goal isn’t to feel brave—it’s to prove to yourself that you won’t actually die. Turns out the human body can handle a surprising amount of embarrassment. Who knew?
Step 7: Yell It In Nature Because Apartments Have Thin Walls
Drove out to Sedona, stood on a random red rock, and screamed “I BELIEVE IN MYSELF” until my voice cracked. A German tourist clapped. No, I’m not joking. There’s something about echoing off canyon walls that makes the words sink into your bones. Plus zero neighbors called the cops. Win-win.
Step 8: Track the Tiny Wins Like Your Life Depends On It
I have a note on my phone called “proof I don’t completely suck today.” Entries include: “didn’t cry in Target,” “someone laughed at my joke,” “parallel parked on the first try.” Sounds pathetic. But after six months you look back and realize you’ve stacked hundreds of these and suddenly unbreakable confidence isn’t a fantasy—it’s just data.
Step 9: Forgive Past You (She Was Doing Her Best With a Trash Brain)
I still cringe at 2019 me who apologized for breathing. But hating her forever keeps me stuck. So I started talking to past me like she’s a scared rescue puppy—lots of “it’s okay, we’re learning.” Weird therapy bro stuff, but it actually quiets the inner critic long enough for real self-belief to sneak in.
Step 10: Accept That Some Days You Still Won’t Believe in Yourself—And That’s Fine
Unbreakable confidence isn’t never doubting again. It’s doubting, freaking out, eating an entire pint of Talenti in your car, then getting back up anyway. The unbreakable part is the “anyway.”
Look, I’m still a chaotic mess who sometimes hides in bathroom stalls practicing smiling in the mirror. But I went from someone who couldn’t look people in the eye to someone who just negotiated a raise while sweating through my shirt. Progress, not perfection.
So try even one of these stupid steps. Start with the ugly crying and whispering phase if you have to. Just start.
You’ve got this. Or you will. Or we’ll figure it out together in the comments because honestly I’m still winging it.
Now go do something terrifying today. I believe in you (and I’m barely believing in myself on a good day—that’s how real this is).
External resources I actually used and swear by:
- The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris – ACT therapy saved my life
- Burnout by Emily Nagoski – for when self-doubt feels physical
- This random Reddit thread that made me cry in a good way
Drop your most embarrassing “I’m trying to believe in myself” story below—I read every single one.
